When I got married, I had already known my husband for about 3 years. I thought my trust-meter was already pretty high. I had no reason not to trust Him - he was faithful and honest. But now, looking back over 15 years of marriage, I can see that, if I am at 100% now, I was at about 50% then.
We had our first child and he was there for me, thoroughly invested and attentive throughout the whole pregnancy and birth. The meter ticked higher. He was a devoted father, waking up in the night, taking long walks with the newborn so I could get some sleep - the meter went even higher. We moved to another country with a newborn, away from my family and everything I found comforting, and I always knew that we were in it together. The meter trended ever higher. He loved my family, married my sisters (he did the wedding ceremonies, he's a pastor - not a polygamist), did the funeral for my grandmother, prayed for my nephew - and the meter continued to to climb. I developed chronic pain and he unwaveringly and uncomplainingly picked up the slack, never once making me feel that I was a burden, but on the contrary, I was loved for who I was and not what I could do and that meter is now at a 100%. My hope and prediction is that in 15 more years I will be able to look back and say that it has increased even more. With the increase in trust comes an increase in love, because love requires a vulnerability that you just can’t give if you don’t feel safe.
So when the Bible says to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind - be aware that this love grows as trust grows. The more you trust God with your heart and your dreams and your pain and your crazy, the more you are able to love Him. If I reflect on my trust journey with my husband, I can clearly see the meter jumped the most during hardship or anxiety. I think the same has been true for my relationship with God. Because as much as my husband has always been there for me, he is still only a man who doesn’t know my heart the way my God does. It was my Father who helped me through the loneliness of that cross-country move, who held me up when I was sure I was a terrible mother. And when I developed this physical pain, my God walked through the darkness with me, and my trust in Him grew stronger than it ever was before. So, whatever you are struggling through now, let God in. Talk to him about it, ask for His help, give Him the chance to increase your trust in Him, and, in turn, your love will multiply as well.
